Every so often I think of my days in terms of major milestones, like, "And from then on, I cut dessert out of my vocabulary," or "I just made my mind up that I was gonna write my spec script."
"Today was the day I got obsessed with working out, which led to me losing 35 pounds!" sounded so promising.
So that's how I found myself at "Bodyworks Plus Abs" at LA Fitness. It only took two minutes of the class for those thoughts to re-emerge. "You are not these girls in the class who can do these things. Your body has never been able to do these things. You are a person for people to laugh at, not a person who can do the mountain-climb-knee-jump. Quit. Do it. Walk out. Cry. Really, it's only two minutes in. There's no way you are lasting the whole hour." And then the by-product limbs start hurting, like when the Nazi-woman wants you to do these deep lunges, and all I can focus on is the searing pain from that toe on my right foot with the potential fungal infection. In fact, let's upgrade "potential" to "definite" at this point.
And then I start making deals with myself. "Okay, Jess, you want to be in Hair? You need to do the full forty jumping jacks." But then I start jumping, and I realize that my jumps don't look like everyone else's- they somehow have a slight infusion of palsy- and I think, no one will want to watch me in Hair anyway, that's for the sexy, limber people. Stop while you're ahead and play up the awkward manatee you are.
About half-way through I ran out. I just ran. I went into the hall, and I saw some guys smirking at me. I SWEAR. They knew I couldn't hack it as a physically fit girl. They would never hit on me at a bar because I am not the type that those guys go for. They only go for girls that actually like classes like Bodyworks Plus Abs. I lingered for a bit by the water fountain just to make it look like I was not a refugee, and then I gathered up what dignity I had left and re-entered the class, praying it was no longer you-are-a-dog-on-a-fire-hydrant time.
I somehow survived the rest of the class, but I did not get that feeling of accomplishment. In fact, not only did I feel like shit psychologically, but I think I tore something in my back. No joke.
Why was I born an octogenarian??? Can someone explain how you get yourself to enjoy the gym?
THIS IS SO TRUE. i feel your pain, literally, as i still have a ruptured disc in my back.
ReplyDeleteenjoying yourself at the gym is more a elusive mystery than the holy grail and sasquatch combined.
This is what I've leaned about being in situations like this. Everyone in the class is there for themselves and they have different levels of fitness. Not to be harsh, but no-one is paying attention to you. If someone smirks then they are insecure themselves.....fuck em ladies. Get your fitness on!
DeleteI feel for you! I am not overweight so I cannot relate to some of the feelings and I am a gym/workout person. I have always been physically active but have gone through spouts of injuries and had to restart from being it of shape and it SUCKS!
ReplyDeleteHere is my advice and how I got myself to love running... Don't do it all at once! I used to HATE running bc I told myself I had to run this far for this amount of time. Kind of how you forced yourself to go to that class. Try going to the class and tell yourself you can leave at ANYTIME! That way you won't dread it nearly as much. Just getting there is a start! Please do not stress about what look someone gives you! SCREW THEM! You taking those first steps takes a lot of courage and it should be admired not frowned upon! Try going for walks and running until you don't want to run anymore even if just 5 steps! You don't have to do it all, just becoming more active is good enough!
We all try to go from 0 to 60 and end up hating it! Don't put so much pressure on yourself! It's like dieting- the minute you say "I cannot eat this" you want it that much more! Try not to push yourself too hard and find what you enjoy! It should be fun and once you get into a routine it is really not that bad!
Good luck!